In the beginning..

Well this is my first blog ever. I have been so inspired by reading other bloggers in the subject of Lap band and reading lapbandtalk.com.

What I hope to do with this blog: complain, share pain, be inspired, get encouragement, encourage, teach, and explain WHY I think this is the right path for me.

Let me tell you about my self. I am 31 years old, married to a wonderful man who loves me even when I am insane which probably is most of the time, with one dog and one cat. We have a lovely home, great friends and family. I have a beautiful God Daughter.  I am over weight. Let me say it more like this...I am obese. Gosh what a horrible word. I'd rather be called fat then obese. So that is what I will say from now on. I have always been on the bigger side. I have also always been athletic. I swam for 18 year competitively. I coached youth and high school swimming. I do yoga, I get out and walk, and exercise, damn it. But apparently I also like to eat. On the eating front..I eat well. I love my veggies. I love good healthy food with the occasional bad unhealthy food. I am not a sweet junkie...I can live with out chocolate (except for the odd occasion). But my problem I think is that I over eat.

I have tried loads of diets, the most successful being a non diet. In the last 3 years I lost 55 lbs in the course of a year and a half. All by counting calories and doing a circuit training program. I felt fantastic. Then I plateaued and then I got pregnant. About 10 weeks later I lose the baby and about a month after that I got a serious infection in my uterus that not only was painful but just all in all not a great time. During the next ten months I tried and tried to count calories again but I think I gave myself a pass on not to make myself feel bad. Sooo in return, up goes the weight. Back to the 10 month point...I find I am pregnant again. So thrilled and yet ever so cautious. 7 weeks...bam. Lost another one. This one really really struck my emotional cords. I bounce back when things are hard. I look forward when things are bad. I DO NOT let myself be depressed for long. But this has been such a hard time for me. This was April/May 2010. So hubs took me on a beach trip a week later, after the Dr's. said it was okay of course, and we had the best time. Just us. We got home and one hour after returning from a fabulous trip I am watering the plants I felt a pain very much like the pain I felt with the first infection. I went to the Dr the next morning and he would not admit that it was an infection again. I woke the next morning in so much pain that I was fainting alone in my house with the doors locked. Mom comes and rushes me to an awful ER. I will spare you the nasty details but the bottom line is they released me while I was still fainting in the wheel chair on the way to the car. My OB/GYN saw me the next day and within 10 minutes I was again on my way to the hospital (a different one). In two days I received 53 antibiotics by IV. That doesn't include fluids and pain meds. 53. Bottom line I suppose is I AGAIN had an infection in my uterus and a very much enlarged ovarian cyst.

The next weekend I was home recovering and some family came into town. Although I was not ready to take visitors, I did talk on the phone to my cousin Nathan. Nathan is recovering from lap band surgery. Well it has been a few months. So while I am sitting in my chair bored and feeling bad for myself I start to think about the Lapband. Then I start to research it. I mention it to my mom who is the worlds smartest nurse (I might be biased but she seriously is). I find the pro's and con's....on and on. Then I get brave enough to find a Dr and speak to my OB about a referral. SO...in the end after going to a seminar and my first group meeting...I have an appointment with my care team on Aug. 30th! Wooohooo!

Now this has been in some ways a very brief overview of my life over the last 2 years. Doesn't describe all of my feelings about the events that lead up to this plan I have. But I hope over time this blog will help me express everything in depth.

I am sick of being the only fat friend. I want to be healthy. I want to wear "normal" clothes. I want to go on 15 mile hikes with my husband and dog without hating every minute of it. (like hell I even considered doing 15 miles anyway) I want to take pictures that I like to see of myself. I want this! If this leads to me being healthy enough to have children then so be it. But the way that I explain it is if I can't be a mom then, damn it, I am going to look good! ( a little over dramatic I know, plenty of people have children after 2 miscarriages).

So here it begins....