It has been decided..............

my issues with food have not been solved! More on that later!

I got my hair cut and I love it! I know I have posted it on Facebook and a lot of you have commented but I just had to post it here too!! Let me also post this picture to show you the freaking difference in one damn year. I post this picture a lot but I wanted to show that a pixie is not a new cut for me! but 70lbs makes a huge difference!

Sept. 2010

and then BAM

Okay so I might be a little full of my self at the moment! No worries the ego will pass and I will feel like a rather large woman again!

I had a huge NSV while shopping in Tar-g-et 2 weeks ago! I was buying panties. I still can't get into the sexy kind you see. They are pretty but they give me a wedgie and I hate it. So I like the low rise briefs from Hanes. They are basically hipsters and don't look like all my previous granny panties..digression.
Anyway so I was listening to these two ladies who were very average looking in weight. Normal if you will, and they were talking about buying panties for their pre-teen. The one lady says she doesn't even know what size to get her. The other lady chimes in saying well I wear a size 6 so I would get her a size 5.
BAM. It hit me! I am wearing a size 6 (sometimes a 7). Do I look normal? Holy Shit I look normal.

It again was fleeting. But that day I felt good. Saturday after my hair cut, I felt good. Most days I just don't see it. So you see ladies...that is why I am going to post this picture as many times as I want. It makes me feel like everyone else instead of the biggest girl in the room like I normally feel like! For someone who has as much confidence as me I sure am laking in self acceptance.

In case you haven't noticed I have been M.I.A. Not singing Paper Airplanes with the gun shot noises and all. But seriously Missing In Action. I have been so busy that blogging just couldn't be included. For that please forgive me.

We had the most amazing time with our friends from England. I cooked dinner most nights simply because they were heading to Disney yet and I knew they would eat crap food while they were there. The conversations were great..their kids were fantastic. We went on the Polar Express which was pricey but worth it to hear my husband and his buddy sing 12 Days of Christmas at the top of their lungs. I am not kidding when I say I cried when they left. When you move your family (in my case my husband) as far away as you can get from his family like we did I harbor this sense of guilt that I've taken him away from people he loves and that love him! Granted...he is way happier. Not that he was miserable. But you get it. He is more of himself then he even was when we met. And he has a hot wife. (I am riding that 'Ifeel good about myself' train for a while) But that also makes it hard for his family and friends to come visit. Matt (my husbands buddy) was the singer in their band. And although they have been close in the past I just think that there is a bond now that will never be broken. Same with his wife, Lisa. We are just able to talk and not one moment felt awkward. Of all Chris' friends in England these are they two I relate with the most. SO yay!

As you recall I had an unfill several weeks ago.

I had no restriction at all.I hated it. I mean I loved it because I ate everything I wanted. I gained about 5-6 lbs. 3 of which I gained over night due to dehydration. So that being said I was okay with it. But I also have come to see that even though I have had this band for nearly a year my love for food has not changed. Given the chance and I could clearly eat everything with out stopping. Granted it wasn't massive quantities like in previous years but it was more then I liked! Didn't stop me! But there were three things I wanted that I haven't had in a while. A Burger, a sub sandwich, a pizza. I enjoyed all of those things and am happy to give them back up!

I had a fill last week. So they took 2 ccs out originally. Put 1.4 ccs back...and I will go back next Tuesday for another fill. I just don't have the restriction that I like!

I also had a great talk with my PA. She said that I have gotten to my goal that they set for me! A BMI of under 30. I am about a 29. If I never lost another lb they would feel like I was a success. That isn't good enough for me! But she also reminded me that the BMI scale is just that, a scale. A broad spectrem and not everyone is the same!

I've been gone! I hope you accept me back with open arms! I've missed you my little Christmas Bouquets:

Band-it on the Run....to the tune of Band on the Run. Yah!

Just a quickie!

I arrived home last night to a little prize on my door step from my Secret Bandit.


Does my little bandit know that I struggle with water, or what!?
What a great thing to come home too. Gonna use it in the morning along with my last bandit gift (the Nike shirt if you recall) when working out in the morning!



In other news. Not much to report. I am trying to eat well. I have no restriction and it is making me angry. I want to eat everything. I am about 4 lbs higher then my lowest. Although not horrible and I know it will come off quick when I get refilled. I feel like I have had a lot of sodium in the last few days so that may also be the culprit. I mean it is nearly impossible for me to gain 4 whole lbs in a week!

Thinking of you all but I will be MIA for a week or so! Our friends arrive this weekend and I will be giving them my full attention! But then it's back to you lovelies, I promise!

Unfill. Yep

Well I had the unfill today. I asked him to take out about .5 ccs.




and.



He took out 2 ccs.

2 whole ccs.

Insane. His reason for doing so is that I have had issues for over a week now and he is worried about an edema.

Whats an edema?

Edema (American English) or oedema (British English); both words from the Greek οἴδημα, oídēma "swelling"), formerly known as dropsy or hydropsy, is an abnormal accumulation of fluid beneath the skin or in one or more cavities of the body that produces swelling. Generally, the amount of interstitial fluid is determined by the balance of fluid homeostasis, and increased secretion of fluid into the interstitium or impaired removal of this fluid may cause edema

Okay so I under stand that there is probably some swelling due from being too tight for too long. I can admit that I have probably been pacifying this too tight fill for quite some time.

 I made a lot of excuses. 2 periods so tightness associated with those, Strep, Upper Resp. Infection, Pneumonia...so tightness while being sick, and then back to being tight due to a period!
So YES all of those things do cause tightness typically but one did not need to have that issue for 2 months.

Doc Ed said I could come back in on Tuesday for a refill but his PA said it would be a non aggressive fill due to their office being closed for a week and him being worried that I will have another issue.

So the option is this: Have a fill on Tuesday or wait three weeks and have a fill.

While you are thinking about this let me tell you that the last 2 days I was having issues even drinking enough water. Since last night I have had about 50oz of water and a coffee. I gained a 1lb since yesterday.. I ate an Chicken English Muffin this morning...

and I am scared. I am scared that my little old mind will tell me since I CAN eat this then I SHOULD eat it. But part of me is looking for the challenge of maintaining my weight during these next three weeks, should I decide to wait. I lost at least 20 lbs since the middle of August. I do not want to gain. I mean 1-3 lbs isn't a big deal but any more then that and I will flip my lid!

So here is what I am going to do. Count calories. I kind of stopped this over the last 2 months. Mainly because I wasn't really eating much (except in Chicago where I could eat Garrett's popcorn and all sorts of junk). I am going to get plenty of exercise in...and I am going to follow bandster rules with solid protein and tiny bites!

I'll need help with this. I am asking. I know I seem like a baby but I have effed up all other diets and I don't want to eff this one up. This isn't a diet I know but from day one I was worried I would screw this up and this has been the first hiccup for me along this journey...so I will allow myself some anxiety.

BYOC~Thanks Draz

Let’s get to what we came here for! BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy. A couple questions we answer to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break. Copy and paste to your own blog if you wish! Enjoy!

Let’s do another themed BYOC…..this one will be called “What’s In/On Your….?”

1. What’s on your desk between your monitor and keyboard? (if it’s a laptop – what’s on your desk in general)

Currently I have payroll information, a pencil, my fav pen that I have to keep my eye on (the men round here steal it), and a cook book.

2. What’s on your mind right at this moment?

What's on my mind. A lot of things but especially the un-fill I had yesterday!

3. What’s in or on your nightstand on your side of the bed?

A candle, about 5 Books, a little jewelry, some chapstick, a glass of water.....lotion! 

4. What’s on YOUR Christmas wish list (let’s assume you’d get what was on it)?

We aren't having Christmas this year. Not really. I mean we are but Chris and I aren't exchanging gifts since we are going to England and that is costing us about $2500 in flights! But I will be buying myself an iPhone and some new glasses.
5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.
Real life is busy as always. Fairly happy.

Blog life is good. Having a hard time catching up but I am. Love hearing about all these happy little losers and these ah-ha moments!

Buzzz....zzzz..... and an edit

Morning ladies and ladies!

Tis me, your long lost friend Amanda. Once again life has gotten in the way of me catching up on your blogs! Fear not..I will!

Things are good with me! I had a weekend of being so damn tight that I was sure an unfill was in my future. However this week has been much better. Still a little on the tight side but I can eat and drink comfortably.  Well the weekend tightness was due to (.) for sure and I think now that that is leaving that it is slowly loosening a teeny bit.

I am baby-ing my band a bit and I know that this isn't the best thing for me. I need to eat solid proteins  but I am sticking with mostly liquids during the day till after noon and then getting some solid stuff in around dinner! I won't let myself suffer.

But I am in the 170's. Holy shit. I want to say more cuss words then that but I can't believe it.
Woke up to about 177.4 but I am claiming 178. That is amazing! I also have been fairly active. Getting in two yoga classes and 2 cardio workouts in this week! Well my second yoga is tomorrow evening. I also ran a complete mile this morning. Now..that might not seem like much but to me it was. I am an interval type gal. Walk, run, walk, run....But I ran. 1 mile.

I have a lot coming up. This weekend I have a Frisbee golf tournament and my husbands band is playing on Saturday night. It is a private party for like some under 25-ers. And I know NO ONE. We asked me to go and I will go but what they hell people, he will be playing the drums. So I will be bored and a little tipsy me thinks.

Next weekend I have another huge Stella & Dot event. About 100 invited but we expect around 30-50 people to come, that night we have friends coming to stay at the cabin with us. Solar power, some kind of stew, roaring fire, and peeing in an old fashioned, very clean, out house.

Then Monday the 14th we have friends coming with their two kids from England! Super excited about it but anxious because my house is upside down with this kitchen remodel. I am looking forward to being able to cook and spoil them! It is a big deal for me and I am super thrilled for my husband. It is hard to get a lot of people over to visit from my husbands home town. His family of course but with travel being so expensive it is nearly impossible to get close friends over. They will never know what it means to me for them to come. So I will spoil them and their kids as best I can! We've got fabulous wine and local beer, a couple of local meals planned, taking the kids on The Polar Express...roasting marshmallows. Fun. I've got the kids packets ready with coloring and games. I am sure they won't have many toys with them so I want to have SOMETHING for them to do. yay.

Last! I have a fun little series coming up all to do with cooking! I have some guest bloggers and some ideas! So I hope to have 5 days of posts either next week or in 2 weeks! Keep your eyes peeled!

love you all my little paper whites!




edit: alright. I am going for an unfill. I am too tight. This past weekend was hell and I am not getting solid protein in. I am really sad because I am losing really well but I don't want to get sick again from lack of nutrition. But I am having an issue getting fluids down and even soup and I've felt stuck and tight and uncomfortable since 9:30 this morning! Boooooooo