No matter what I do I am always make comments or do things that remind myself that I am big. Do you think that will ever change?

Nora posted about this today but I was already thinking about this yesterday. Let me set the scene.

We have a local group in town that finds prom dresses, hair and make up sponsors, and donations of jewelry for teenage girls that may not have enough money to go to these events. One of the ladies posted that they were in need of dresses for big girls. Well I already knew that I had two dresses from weddings in size 20 and 22 that I could donate. So I called her up, set up a time to come by, had the dresses dry cleaned and they were ready to go.

The lady came by yesterday afternoon to pick the dresses up! She was thrilled. I said to her it was likely that I would never wear these dresses again and then something along the lines that they were really flattering for us bigger girls!  I went on to say how when you are big it is important to have support and straps and how I always ask my girlfriends to remember us big girls when picking bridesmaid dresses!

I mean are you kidding me? Why in the hell did I feel like I needed to explain all this to her and why in the hell did I refer to myself several damn times as a big girl.

I mean I am still a Big-er girl. But why is that my identity and why do I ONLY see myself as that girl?

I really don't get it.

I'm still pretty happy though.

The Blog Gods Dislike Me!

Anyone else having issues posting? I can't even read other peoples blogs! I click on them and they open into blank pages!

I will continue to keep trying!

anywho!

I started working out with my trainer on Tuesday! I am going Tuesdays and Thursdays for an hour! Taking a core class on Friday morning and then at least 1 yoga class but hopefully two during the week! I am so darn sore it is unreal!

But I have improved since I last saw him! How I did this there is no telling! But I beat my time at holding a plank!

Trouble is: it's making me so hungry! Especially today! Wow! But maybe I am bored!

2012 is going well for me thus far. I am a busy little bee. In fact I should be posting pay roll and working on sales tax for the business. Instead I am playing on facebook, email, and trying to blog.

2012 is going to be a good year for me. I will hit my goal. I feel like I was on such a good path in Sept through November last year...then BAM...I had to get an unfill from being a little too tight. The unfill was most of what I had in my band. I have gained about 7 total lbs since the beginning of November. I don't feel too bad about that because I feel good, I made it through two holidays, and my pants have stayed the same. But I want to hit a new low again soon. This is the reason I started with the trainer again! I might even go for a tiny fill next week or the week after!

When I hit my goal this year I will be speaking to a plastic surgeon about this everlasting flap of skin. It is the only thing I hate about my body right now! My boobs are big but they always have been. But this belly skin keeps me from feeling totally great about myself. Keeps me self conscience. I mean I think most of us will always be about certain areas. Hell, we are all women. I have never wanted to wear a bikini, but I would like to show off this loss a tiny bit. So plastics are they way to go. Not any time soon but in the future.

If we can afford it (which we can't) then I will have a breast lift too. But most of all I want that skin gone!

Up for 36 hours!

The first night we were in England my husband played a gig with his old band! It was amazing! However we were up for 36 hours at this point. I think we look pretty good for being up for ages! I admit vodka was helping me continue to smile!

My Loves!

This picture was Christmas Day with our nieces and my husband. Our youngest niece was just getting used to us! With our oldest niece we totally surprised her that I was coming! The sweet little girl cried! If that doesn't melt your heart! Either that or she was scared of me! Ha ha

The Royal Armouries in Leeds

We spent one day at the Royal Armories! It was a fabulous day with my mumsy and dadsy in law! It really is interesting to see the how advanced weapons were in the 1100's! Plus the beauty in these suits of armour were amazing!



 All the girls got Owl PJ's for Christmas! They didn't even know how much I loved owls!! This is my niece and my brother in laws girlfriend!

a view from our hike!

Chris and I went on a couple hikes while we were there! This doesn't do justice for how far we hike! He hurts me on purpose I think! I wish I had some better pictures but I was trying not to die!!

My new Stately Manor.

Since I love all things historical fiction, especially about English kings and queens and English estates..my in laws always take me to a Stately Country manor. Chatsworth is still my fav. (think new Sense and Sensibility) But this was a very nice day! in the 1950s the owner sold most of the items in the house so they are currently trying to restore and buy furniture and belongings back! Chris says this can be my country home!

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So here are a few little pics! Be back soon! My little Rhododendrons!

Let's Talk About Sex!

Now that I have your attention let me tell you now that I won't be talking about sex. I am a prude. I mean not really, but a little bit of one. I start to blush when I am involved in a conversation about S E X.

But I had to say something that might lead you back to my blog! I've been gone for ever so long and I have missed you but I have also been having some fun!

So let's not talk about sex just right now. Perhaps I will drink a martini or 3 one night and blog and then I might get a little bit wordy about sex. Until then lets talk about where I am and what I have been doing!

I arrived home from England Saturday at midnight after being away for 18 days! Christmas and New Years with my in-laws! Was a good time, sorta. I mean I did enjoy myself. I signed 2 UK Stella & Dot stylists (go me, I have an international team!!) But we just like any family...18 days is a bit to long with out your own space! I did a lot of keeping my mouth shut. It was like herding cats trying to organize everyone into days out that EVERYONE would enjoy!

My inlaws are wonderful people. But I do have to say I am happy to be home! I didn't have a scale, I ate a lot of junk...I mean JUNK! Our meals were pretty healthy but for someone who doesn't like a lot of candy I sure ate my fair share. I was pretty tight while I was there so a lot of the "good" things wouldn't go down very well. I did manage to eat Fish and Chips minus the Chips twice. I have come to realize that Potatoes are not my friend since being banded. Unless they are so crispy or I have had plenty of drinks to loosen my band up! Since I don't drink all day long I think I will just avoid potatoes. Which is a shame because my mother in law makes the best roasted potatoes in the whole friggin world. I've never had any in the states like it. They are crispy on the outside and tender on the inside. I did manage to eat all the crispy of one.

roasted potato's

fish and chips!

So my inlaws knew I was banded but they had no idea what to expect. What to feed me...if I would eat. I over and over explained just to let me make my own plate so I don't waste food and we will be fine! Did they??  
Nope: This is what a Sunday or Christmas dinner looks like at Chris' mums house!

Christmas Dinner



Yorkshire Puddings

 Now imagine brussel sprouts, mashed and roasted potatoes and pork along with beef..plus all those things you see! I am not kidding. That is what my serving looked like PLUS. I ate what I could but darnit if I just could have served myself. I couldn't eat Yorkshire Puddings (my sister in law makes glorious beautiful ones) I couldn't eat potatoes, I couldn't eat the pork, it was way to dry. I could barely eat the beef, again to dry. So I ate some carrots and brussel sprouts.

So that meal was a bust! I wasted a massive TON!

But what I did manage to eat was my weight in cheese. Because every family member knows I love cheese they all go out of their way to make sure I have 10 blocks in the fridge. Every kind you can imagine. I even had some brought special from the Lake District. All lovely wonderful cheese but one can not live on cheese alone. Well I could live on mostly cheese.

I also ate a lot of Crisps (or potato chips as we call them). I have issues with potatoes but if I go slow then I can eat chips. And we aren't talking about just any chips..no sour cream and onion.. There is a gourmet type crisp that is Goat Cheese with Chili, or balsamic vinegar and sea salt, or Chinese Spar rib, or Thai sweet Chili.
It didn't matter what the flavor...I wanted to try them all. My FAV were the Goat Cheese and Chili.

No kidding! Fabulous!

Now they are just lays potato chips so why in the hell can't I get them here!? Probably a good thing!

I did go out for a couple of Indian meals. I love going for Indian while I am in England. They have them all over the place and of course some are better then others. But we went to a lovely place twice. The server picked up on my accent and decided to make me a special curry with chicken and lamb. Fab. Hotter then the hinges of hell but fabulous! The pieces of lamb and chicken were really small and easy to eat so I did well! The second time I went was not as easy! I stuck to rice and curry sauce since the meat was not going down! Yum!

Chicken curry

SO I went to the store and bought all sorts of spices so I can make my own curries! I make green curry a lot so its not that different!

Our friend that came to visit in November had us over for dinner on New Years eve. While he was visiting us he ate corn bread, collard greens, and cheese grits and fell in love. So he made corn bread and a lamb and tomato stew that was to DIE for. At least I think it was... I ate one bite and had the most violent stuck episode in someone elses house that I have ever had. AND you could hear everything from the tiny little bathroom. I was so embarrassed. Our friends know that I have a band but I didn't want them to worry or see me in distress. I never want anyone to think that what I live with is a negative thing! I love my band.

I ate nothing at their house but I came home and guess what!? I ate some cheese.

We took some family pictures while we were there. I felt great and looked great and the pictures are fairly good! I think the pictures that Chris and I took together were cheesy. But I was skinny!

BEST NSV the whole trip? Going through immigration and giving my passport to the officer and she taking a double look and saying to me "Well Done"! I was hoping that someone would notice that I was 70lbs lighter then that passport picture!

More on the trip another time!

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I came home to a little prize from my secret bandit! Not one but two kinds of bubble bath from VS. So next to cheese, bubble baths are a fav of mine! I am going home tonight and using them for a nice long soak! I am not sure if I am supposed to say who my bandit is but I just want her to know that I have loved every little gift. I even wore my Nike tee shirt while I Zumba'd in England!! You rock girl!!

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So what did I weigh when I came back?? Drum roll please!

The same thing as when I left. 185! I even thing I am dehydrated a bit too so I might be retaining water (drinking like crazy right now)
So if I can maintain my weight by eating utter crap for 18 days! Then I better be able to lose some weight by being careful now, back to exercising, and trying really hard to drink my water!

2012 will be my year to hit goal! I can feel it!

I swear I am back now. I will start catching up on blogs!